“What does your vagina like to wear?” ~Gayle King

Mine likes to wear really fun clothes that feel comfortable, like flowy skirts, dresses with jeans, shirts that are comfortable, low cut shirts, spaghetti-strap shirts that hold my boobies in, fun socks with underwear

The vagina is a woman’s inner womanly beauty.

What does your vagina like to do?

It likes to explore, to sit on the beach, to be warm with a breeze, to be hugged, to forget about every-day worries, to not have stress, to just enjoy life, to feel like it is getting the most out of life, to go to new places, to laugh….yes laugh a lot, to feel loved, to love, to feel true friendship, to feel accomplishment, to create, to get lost in beauty, to love Jonny…yes, love him very much

I think I’m beatiful!

(And I get turned on looking at myself)

When I was driving up from San Diago by myself, I was listening to the radio and I thought to myself: “Do I love myself?” Of course I love myself, but I don’t know if I would be able to fall in love with a person like me. If I were someone else, I don’t think I could completely love everything about myself. Both physically and mentally there are aspects of myself that I find a turn-off. Actually I sometimes can’t believe that Jonny not only puts up with these aspects of myself, but actually still completely loves me despite me.

When I was thinking about this, I asked the same thing to Jonny and in his simple thinking he right away said “Oh no, I know that I’m really hard to get along with.”

Perhaps, one of my missions in life should be to slowly make peace with my flaws and maybe one day I will love all of myself.

My plans:

After making this blanket for Uncle Mark and then one for Sophie’s sister this summer….I will dedicate a year to non-crocheing/knitting crafts
I will use the time to learn new crafts and explore my creativity
This quarter I will help my mom translate my aunt Paula’s letter
In the summer (after nclex of course) I will start the Family Story Project
I will sit down with all the members of my family and videotape them telling all the stories and memories of our family
If you would like…..I will be more than happy to extend the project to your side of the family as well
Another part of the Family Story Project will be to organize all the old family pictures
I will also talk to my cousins when we are in NY to maybe also do the same
Sounds good…..I like my plan

School sucks. I’m burned out. I hate school. That’s pretty much it.

Jonny knows me better than I know myself

When I thought I was just depressed about school work, he noticed that there was something deeper. He realized that I was still hurt by friend-trouble when I thought I somewhat got past it.

He made me recognize it……I cried a bit…..I talked about it with him……he allowed me to talk about it with him……and then I felt a lot better……and I had renewed energy to study.

I love him more than he recognizes and need him truly as much as I need oxygen.

Goals from beginning of last summer

These are probably still applicable today:

What I want:
- To learn everything I am able to in nursing school
- Be a good, caring, and knowledgeable nurse
- Have a clear face
- Learn to time manage better
- Have friends
- Trust that friends won’t unfriend me, not be afraid of friends leaving me
- Contact friends often
- Stay active, exercise
- Manage asthma without meds
- Be a good wife
- Help around the house more
- Take care of my looks
- Not be afraid of using/wearing my own creations
- Be confident
- Keep my legs shaved this summer
- Tell Jonny I love him every day and always make him feel special
- Not loose sight of these goals

The truth hurts sometimes

Nothing hurts more than being criticized, judged, disrespected, and looked down upon. Especially for something that everyone does and isn’t bad by normal people’s standards.

I hate when people all of a sudden think that they are better than you.

There is nothing wrong with my study habits…..I do what is best for me….its not “the easy way out”…..its what works for me……just because I don’t want to do more work than I feel is necessary for my learning does not mean that I’m being lazy or unprepared. Just because your’s are different doesn’t mean that mine are bad.

Don’t judge me. I don’t judge you for who you are and what you do, so don’t judge me for what I do. It’s my choice and it is no longer affecting you.

I’m not unprepared for class and I DO pay attention in class. I just sometimes miss things when the instructor is going fast. I’m not perfect…..and neither are you.

I’m sorry that I made those mistakes…..I realized my fault and apologized profusely and you forgave me. So stop looking down on me for it.

I love my mom

Today my mom was telling me about a Russian website she found where you can reconnect with your classmate from school and college. She said that one of her classmates posted a picture of her grandson going to first grade. If a middle-aged women told you that a classmate of her’s is already a grandmother, you would think that she would start getting depressed about getting old. But when I asked my wonderful mother about how she felt about it she laughed and stated: “I feel so behind!”

I love my mother and her attitude!!! May I always be like her in thinking that instead of being too old, I still have so much to do in life!

Current Projects

• Jonny’s booties:
  • http://www.knitting-crochet.com/crochet/slisoc.html
• Pillows for Elina’s birthday
• Blanket for uncle Mark
• Blanket for Sveta’s baby (can’t start till know gender)
• Galina’s and Mike’s new years gift (ok, I know that it is very very belated) of a sewed vase

If have time:

• beaded crochet bracelet
• embroider kit

Today I'm grateful for:

1. Finishing my assignment
2. Not having clinical on Friday which was the exact day when I wanted to leave clinical early to go to Jonny’s work with Grandpa, Michael, and Sveta.
3. Having wonderful students.
4. Coming up with a great activity for learning and I think that it worked (having the students teach each other)
5. Jonny finished his homework and is hopefully getting better.

One of my students asked me today: “Why is God invisible?”

Hmmmmm……I just said that I don’t know……How do you answer that?

Yoga Advice

My yoga teacher said the most wonderful thing during my first class. She said:

“A journey of a thousand steps begins with one step.”

(might be paraphrased) I loved this because I always find myself rushing to be an expert at things. And I’ve caught myself trying to do something and at the moment I’m not perfect at it (or it doesn’t come to me easy), I simply abandon it. But this quote is so true. I need to take my time to learn things. And not give up if it doesn’t come to me right away. This is the way I approached my yoga class and it is working out great! I don’t push myself beyond what my body wants to do. It doesn’t feel like a competition and I love it! By the way, I can’t keep up with the 40 and 50 year old people…..good for them. I work at my own speed and I know that it will take me a few months to build up the strength that I have lost by not excersising regularly for the last four or so years. And I’m ok with it taking that long. Cause its about the journey you know.

The other thing she says that I absolutely love is

“everything you desire is already within you.”

She says it at the end of each class. The first time she said it I teared up. I guess it’s exactly what I need to hear. I spend so much time stressing about what I want to achieve, and I sometimes feel that I’m not good enough….so its so amazing to hear that I have the power to do it all. Last Saturday, when she said that, I spent a minute or so meditating on it….repeating it over and over in my head. Hopefully it will give me the strength I need to study.