I overcame my anxiety!

Its been about a year and a half since the summer in Florida.  I did two major things there to overcome my anxiety.  First, I rode my bike for 2-3 miles down the main road and went to a sushi restaurant completely by myself.  The second thing I did was go to a restaurant by myself on the pier. 

I realized that my anxiety was that if I was out and about by myself and I got my nausea/abdominal pains (due to my irritable bowl), I would be helpless.  I needed to force myself to go out to see that I would be fine.  Even if I did get abdominal pain (and I didn't), I would be able to go home and be ok.  I actually really enjoyed when I went to those restaurants by myself.  When I was on the pier, I ended up talking about pie with a lady sitting at the table next to mine.  If I was with someone else, I probably would not have done that. 

Is my anxiety completely gone....no.  But is it pretty much gone and under control....yes!  I now go to stores by myself and do things that I would have been scared to do before.  Life is better. 

A few months after I came back from Florida, I talked to someone whom I told about my anxiety before the trip.  When she asked me how if I was able to control my anxiety in Florida, I had to think about it for a second became I completely forgot about how scared I was to be by myself there!  Funny how we forget unpleasant things.

2nd day - July 7th

It took a LOT of motivation to get myself to bike this morning. Even last night I already didn't want to do it. But, I kept telling myself its not a choice....I made a goal and I'm sticking to it!

This morning, I was able to get up around 6:50am....Jonny left at 6:40 and woke me up before leaving. I was able to get out of bed, but I really had to fight myself as I was getting ready in the morning. I decided to try biking on the beach because it looked amazing....and it was amazing, but a lot harder. After about 15min of biking on the beach, I went to Ocean Beach Blvd and did another 13min or so on pavement. After I finished with the beach part, I was exhausted and I thought that I would just go home. But after moving to a paved street it got a lot easier, so it gave me good confidence. But it was wonderful to be moving fast on that beach...hearing the waves, seeing the ocean on one side, being among the birds...its a great feeling.

Overall, today was harder to bike for several reasons....the beach has a lot more friction so you have to work twice as hard to pedal (its bumpy and uneven), I was probably tired from yesterday, my crotch area hurt from the uncomfortable seat, it seemed a lot more humid and hotter (even though I was out there earlier), I was loosing some of the excitement I had yesterday.

But I did it!!! And I'm going to do it again tomorrow!

Actually, tomorrow I'm thinking of wearing my bathing suit to go out so that I can go swimming in either the pool or ocean after getting all hot and sweaty.

1st day - July 6th

For the last couple of days I spent a lot of right nice time with Jonny. Last night I had a lot of anxiety when going to sleep. I think that it was because I was preparing myself for today and I was afraid to have to be alone again.

I finally got up at 8am....about an hour later then planned. But I slept in a little bit on purpose because I kept waking up all night.

I went on a bike ride and it went really well. I went south on Ocean Beach Blvd until it ended. It was about 25min of actual biking. The street is really nice to bike on.

I spent the rest of the day at home doing some research on the computer. I did watch a lot of tv though, but turned it off at some point because I just got sick of it....good sign, no?

I made dinner for Jonny, which was nice.

I didn't wash my face because it was already late and I could tell that Jonny was getting upset and just wanted to go to sleep.

Conquering my Anxiety

So I'm in Cocoa Beach, Florida for 2 months. Jonny is working at the Kennedy Space Center.

For the next two months, my two big goals is to control my anxiety and run my new jewelry business. These are the things I would like to accomplish:
- Ride my bicycle every morning to improve my health (I told Jonny that I want to quadruple my ability by the end of the stay, but I'll see about that one)
- Spend a lot of time on my jewelry
- Meditate on the beach
- Explore Florida!
- Understand where my anxiety comes from and be able to work past it in every moment
- Be able to spend time alone, without the TV on, and be comfortable
- Wash my face every day

Rain and Fire

A few weeks ago Jonny installed a new fireplace door. He thought we should get it done proffecionally, but I encouraged him to do it himself and he did it wonderfully! It's been pouring for the last two days so we lit up the fireplace and it's so nice! We both absolutelly love it!!! And electron enjoyed it too:

Inspired

I was watching an Oprah episode that features people who's job is to clean porta-poties and deliver to 7-11's at night. It was amazing to see that these people had a very positive attitude and actually had fun doing their jobs! It was so inspiring! If someone can have fun cleaning toilets, than I should be able to have fun doing my job. Tomorrow I'm going back to work for two nights. My goal will be to keep a positive attitude and try to have fun no matter what I am doing. Well see how it works....

Stay-cation

This weekend Jonny and I had a stay-cation. It was the first weekend in a long time that we were both not working for both days. We were originally thinking of going on a small vacation somewhere, but quickly realized that all we wanted was to spend quality time together at home. We made a point not to make any plans with family or friends (even though both of our moms asked if we could come over)....which was harder than it seems.

On sat we made sushi and watched a movie.



Smiley face sushi:


We had a little invador:




On Sunday Jonny crawled under the house and we ran wire throughout the house:






I made pie. It was ok.