School sucks. I’m burned out. I hate school. That’s pretty much it.

Jonny knows me better than I know myself

When I thought I was just depressed about school work, he noticed that there was something deeper. He realized that I was still hurt by friend-trouble when I thought I somewhat got past it.

He made me recognize it……I cried a bit…..I talked about it with him……he allowed me to talk about it with him……and then I felt a lot better……and I had renewed energy to study.

I love him more than he recognizes and need him truly as much as I need oxygen.

Goals from beginning of last summer

These are probably still applicable today:

What I want:
- To learn everything I am able to in nursing school
- Be a good, caring, and knowledgeable nurse
- Have a clear face
- Learn to time manage better
- Have friends
- Trust that friends won’t unfriend me, not be afraid of friends leaving me
- Contact friends often
- Stay active, exercise
- Manage asthma without meds
- Be a good wife
- Help around the house more
- Take care of my looks
- Not be afraid of using/wearing my own creations
- Be confident
- Keep my legs shaved this summer
- Tell Jonny I love him every day and always make him feel special
- Not loose sight of these goals

The truth hurts sometimes

Nothing hurts more than being criticized, judged, disrespected, and looked down upon. Especially for something that everyone does and isn’t bad by normal people’s standards.

I hate when people all of a sudden think that they are better than you.

There is nothing wrong with my study habits…..I do what is best for me….its not “the easy way out”…..its what works for me……just because I don’t want to do more work than I feel is necessary for my learning does not mean that I’m being lazy or unprepared. Just because your’s are different doesn’t mean that mine are bad.

Don’t judge me. I don’t judge you for who you are and what you do, so don’t judge me for what I do. It’s my choice and it is no longer affecting you.

I’m not unprepared for class and I DO pay attention in class. I just sometimes miss things when the instructor is going fast. I’m not perfect…..and neither are you.

I’m sorry that I made those mistakes…..I realized my fault and apologized profusely and you forgave me. So stop looking down on me for it.

I love my mom

Today my mom was telling me about a Russian website she found where you can reconnect with your classmate from school and college. She said that one of her classmates posted a picture of her grandson going to first grade. If a middle-aged women told you that a classmate of her’s is already a grandmother, you would think that she would start getting depressed about getting old. But when I asked my wonderful mother about how she felt about it she laughed and stated: “I feel so behind!”

I love my mother and her attitude!!! May I always be like her in thinking that instead of being too old, I still have so much to do in life!

Current Projects

• Jonny’s booties:
  • http://www.knitting-crochet.com/crochet/slisoc.html
• Pillows for Elina’s birthday
• Blanket for uncle Mark
• Blanket for Sveta’s baby (can’t start till know gender)
• Galina’s and Mike’s new years gift (ok, I know that it is very very belated) of a sewed vase

If have time:

• beaded crochet bracelet
• embroider kit

Today I'm grateful for:

1. Finishing my assignment
2. Not having clinical on Friday which was the exact day when I wanted to leave clinical early to go to Jonny’s work with Grandpa, Michael, and Sveta.
3. Having wonderful students.
4. Coming up with a great activity for learning and I think that it worked (having the students teach each other)
5. Jonny finished his homework and is hopefully getting better.

One of my students asked me today: “Why is God invisible?”

Hmmmmm……I just said that I don’t know……How do you answer that?

Yoga Advice

My yoga teacher said the most wonderful thing during my first class. She said:

“A journey of a thousand steps begins with one step.”

(might be paraphrased) I loved this because I always find myself rushing to be an expert at things. And I’ve caught myself trying to do something and at the moment I’m not perfect at it (or it doesn’t come to me easy), I simply abandon it. But this quote is so true. I need to take my time to learn things. And not give up if it doesn’t come to me right away. This is the way I approached my yoga class and it is working out great! I don’t push myself beyond what my body wants to do. It doesn’t feel like a competition and I love it! By the way, I can’t keep up with the 40 and 50 year old people…..good for them. I work at my own speed and I know that it will take me a few months to build up the strength that I have lost by not excersising regularly for the last four or so years. And I’m ok with it taking that long. Cause its about the journey you know.

The other thing she says that I absolutely love is

“everything you desire is already within you.”

She says it at the end of each class. The first time she said it I teared up. I guess it’s exactly what I need to hear. I spend so much time stressing about what I want to achieve, and I sometimes feel that I’m not good enough….so its so amazing to hear that I have the power to do it all. Last Saturday, when she said that, I spent a minute or so meditating on it….repeating it over and over in my head. Hopefully it will give me the strength I need to study.